Abuse from the customers is NOT part of the job

 DISCLAIMER: THIS POST DOES NOT REFLECT MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE COMPANY I WORK FOR OR MY BOSS. THIS POST IS REGARDING THE INDUSTRY AS A WHOLE AND MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES.

The title of this post should be clear enough for even a two year old to understand, but I am going to say it again for those of you in the back. ABUSE FROM THE CUSTOMERS IS NOT PART OF THE JOB! Yet here we are. Me writing and you reading. 

Some of you know me personally and know what I do for a living. Some of you don't, but they may change as this post goes live and hopefully gets shared. For those of you who don't, Hi! My name is Aimee. I'm a 48 year old, single mom. I am also a chef who currently works as the GM of a locally owned bbq restaurant in Dayton, OH as I work towards opening my own bakery and candy shop. 

I have been in and out of-mostly in-this industry for 35 years now and I have seen a lot of things, but nothing compares to the abuse that so many of us are experiencing. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and I am damn good at it. But lately, I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have left the industry when we got shut down last year like so many others have done. This pandemic has put literally everyone into a tailspin of some sort, but those of us that work in the restaurant and bar industry are among the hardest hit. Not only were most of us unceremoniously put out of work, we have struggled to receive the unemployment benefits we were promised with many still not receiving a penny even after a year. As we have worked to reopen, the hurdles we have faced and tackled have been numerous. 

Not only have we had to limit our seating, causing a strain on already tight profit margins, we have had to install equipment meant to keep our staff and customers safe from the spread of the virus. We have had to purchase additional supplies that are in high demand and are facing food shortages with every truck order. We are dealing with people reporting us to the local health departments because some adults can't seem adhere to the health department mandates. We are being verbally, sometimes physically, assaulted for trying to follow the guidelines we are being forced to implement so we can continue to operate. Folks, our industry has never been an easy one, but it has gotten downright ugly. So ugly, that surveys are indicating that between 15 and 18% of last year's employees have left for good. And I don't blame them!

My restaurant is typically a pretty benign place to work. As far as restaurants go, I refer to it as a unicorn job. The prep work and cooking I do is pretty simple and goes quickly. My boss has created a menu that is fast and easy to execute from start to finish. No early mornings, no late nights. At my location, no Sundays. I have two days off in a row. I have never had to argue over a schedule request or beg someone to pick up a shift for me. The neighborhood we are located in is full of good people who are generally patient and friendly. Some even go out of their way to bring me a coffee or a doughnut in the mornings or drop off a quick bite to eat in the evenings. All in all, work life is pretty good. One would think life is good, right? Well, it's not that simple. 

Everyone is under a lot of added stress and pressure right now because of COVID-19. Most people understand this and are accepting of all the extra safety precautions we have to follow and the menu outages we are experiencing, along with any other number of slight inconveniences we are all dealing with right now. But there are a handful of people that I refer to as the overly indulgent, self-important nobodies that think they are the only ones in the universe that matter. Their time and needs are above everyone else's and they view anything less than what they want as a personal insult. These people are making our lives hell day in and day out. 

We are being yelled at, cussed out, called names, threatened and harassed as we never have before and it's taking a toll on us. Mentally and physically. Some people are also being physically harmed. And there is no reason for this behavior other than the simple fact that some people have forgotten how to be compassionate human beings. This pandemic has brought out the best in some people, but in many more cases, it has brought out the worst. People have become short tempered, rude, hateful and downright disrespectful and it sickens me. I am absolutely disgusted by the behavior I have endured and that I see others have to endure. I have been begging people all along to simply be kind, but apparently that's too hard for some. 

Last night, I came home from work angry and fed up at the way I have been treated. I was ready to drop the proverbially match and walk away. Walk away from the industry that I have been apart of for nearly 75% of my life. The industry that I have given so much of my blood, sweat and tears for. The industry that has become the very core of my being, my soul. The industry that has made me into the woman I am today. All because some people refuse to be nice. Yes, I get it. Life is difficult right now. You're not the only one facing hard times. WE ALL ARE. Yes, you are not special. But is it really necessary to tear someone else down so you can feel better about yourself? 

I won't go into detail about all of the nasty things I have had to deal with over the past year. I don't think any of us have enough free time for that. Here are some of the lowlights. And I want you to ask yourself as you read through this list of customer inflicted abuse, is it really necessary to tear someone else down so you can feel better about yourself...

One day, a man came in and asked me if I knew why I was wearing a mask. Being the smart ass that I am, I quipped that I was wearing it because I didn't have a choice. I was wearing it out of respect for my boss and for his business. I followed this up with, "yes, I do know why I am wearing this mask". I was then subjected to a 15 minute diatribe about how I am going to hell because my faith isn't strong enough and I don't believe the same he does. Yes-a customer straight up told me that I was going to hell. 

Another customer called to place a carryout order during a busy Saturday evening dinner rush. A large carryout order. Like, so large, he should have called earlier in the day to ensure we had everything he wanted large. After requesting a quart of mac and cheese and being told that I did not have that much currently ready, he yelled to his wife to see what else she wanted and didn't bother to move the phone away from his mouth while doing so. Thanks for the busted eardrum, buddy! He asked how long it would be for a quart and I said about 20 minutes. He responded with fine, we can wait. I finished taking his order and told him his food would be ready for pickup in 25 minutes, allowing extra time to package everything up. He shows up ten minutes later and throws a tantrum because his order isn't ready yet. "We've already waited a half an hour, I don't understand how it isn't ready yet! You told meeeeeeee twenty minutes". He then proceeds to request an extra side of all 6 of our sauces but he doesn't want to pay for them. "I am stuck waiting on you, the least you can do is give it to me for free". I assured him he has plenty of sauce and think to myself, "No, the least I can do is kick your entitled ass out the door without your food", but instead, I give him his total and send him back home. Without extra sauce.

I have had customers berate me when we run out of ribs on rib night when they wait until the last minute to come in to eat. I have had customers yell at me because our menu prices are higher than they were in the past. I have been bitched at about the mask policy. People throw a tantrum over wearing a mask, people throw a fit if they see someone not wearing a mask. I had someone try to bring beer in with him to drink with his dinner and get nasty when I told him no. I have impatient Door Dashers who think it is ok to grab orders from the counter when I am working with another guest. I have people call and bitch that they can't get through at another company location, like there is some mysterious power I hold over that location where I can make them drop everything else and tend to this person's phone call. This list of abuse goes on and on, but I think I have said enough to prove my point.

I will be the first to admit that I am no saint. There are times I am not as friendly or warm as I should be with a guest because the bad behavior of another has momentarily put me in a bad mood. However, by the end of the transaction, I am laughing and joking with them and the experience has completely turned around. I try to approach every day as a new adventure no matter how sore or tired I am or how badly I want to stay at home and do something, anything else other than work. And believe me when I say I am tired and sore every day these days. Working longer hours, prepping more food and running around more than usual is taking its toll on this old lady. Some days, I am lucky if I am able to steal a bite of food between customers, let along take two minutes to stop and pee. I can't remember the last time I ate a hot meal from start to finish. The demands being placed on restaurant staff is at an all time high while we are operating with very limited resources. Please excuse me if I'm not Little Mary Sunshine all day, every day, but I am only a single human being.

Many industries are currently experiencing a labor shortage, but no one is suffering like us food people are. It has been estimated that between 15 and 18% have left the industry for good. Yes-I know I am repeating myself. It's for a good reason. Some are still on unemployment since there place of business hasn't reopened yet or is still operating under limited capacity. Many left during last year's shutdown for other jobs or to go to work for themselves, following their passions. More are choosing to leave because of the toxic atmosphere that many bars and restaurants have become. Some of this toxicity comes from the hands of ownership and management, while the vast majority is coming from the customers. If you had a job that historically pays crappy wages, why would you stick around when the people you serve starting treating you like you're less than nothing? It's not a difficult decision for many to make.

As I have already stated-abuse from the customers is not part of the job. It never should have been and it never should be. In the past, it was an uncommon occurrence. Now, it's happening daily. I am ever so thankful for the customers who understand we are struggling and approach us with patience, empathy and a kind word. You are the people that keep us coming back to work day in and day out. Thank you for being your awesome, wonderful selves. And if you happen to see yourself in my less than flattering words, I implore you to do better. BE BETTER. And if you choose not to, keep your ass at home and stop spreading misery. I honestly feel that the worst is yet to come as more people leave our industry for other ventures. And some of you only have yourselves to blame. We are not your punching bags and one day, we are going to start fighting back. 

I am going to keep on keeping on. I will continue to go to work and do what I do best. I take pride in being as tough as nails and not backing down from a challenge. I'm a bad ass and I know it. I wouldn't have made it this far in an industry that chews people up and spits them out if I wasn't. But if the day comes that I do walk away, just know it was some disrespectful asshole that finally pushed me over the edge. Please don't be that person. I'm going to ask it one more time, is it really necessary to tear someone else down so you can feel better about yourself? Abuse from the customers is not a part of our job. It is unneeded. It is unwanted. It is not helpful. IT IS DISGRACEFUL.

A reason, a season, a lifetime

The old saying a reason, a season or a lifetime is resonating through my brain for some reason this morning. If you are unfamiliar with it, please read the photo I added to this post for a bit of clarity. It states that "People come into our life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime." By and large, I do believe this to be true. Some people are meant to be in your life for a brief moment, a quick blip of the radar screen of life while others are meant to be there for the long haul. Some blow in like a summer storm and breeze back out just as quickly. A reason. A season. A lifetime. Up until today, it has just been saying, having no real substance in the grand scheme of my life. I believe it is the re-emergence of some people from my past that has the saying suddenly at the front and center of my mind.

A REASON
Some people have crossed my path for the sole purpose of teaching me a lesson. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always a learning experience. Last night I received a message from the ghost of boyfriends past. Someone I had a fling with years and years ago that I tried reconciling with over the summer. His reason? I believe the reason he entered my life again was to teach me the value of honesty and being truthful, especially with myself. I have always valued honesty in all of my relationships, but for my closest loved ones, it is vital. However, I have always struggled to maintain complete honesty with myself. I tell myself that I am ok being single. And I am. But deep down, I want that someone special to come into my life and share the up's and down's and everything in between's.

The short time we were together this summer was packed with lies. Little white ones and huge grand daddy whopper ones. Fortunately, I caught on quickly and ended things as fast as they started. The last couple months have been filled with silence until he suddenly sent me a message last night. Not wanting to hear any more lies or excuses I hit the delete button and asked a mutual friend to tell him that I wanted no contact with him. It seems that he is now suffering from brain cancer. Maybe he wants to right his wrongs. But I doubt it. Two of the three pictures he posted of his "tumor" were lifted from the internet. Yeah, so much for atonement.

Honesty...

Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you

Aahhh, Good old Billy Joel. Singer, piano player and lyricist extraordinaire. Honesty is what I need most from myself and from others. It may be cold and brutal at times, but I would rather hurt for a moment than suffer a lifetime of scars.

A SEASON
Longer than a reason but shorter than a lifetime. Therein lies "the season". Seasonal people may literally be a part of your life for just a season, but some stick around for a longer span of time. I believe they also enter one's life to teach a lesson, but their teachings are a lot less in your face or blunt as the "reasons" are. These lessons require more time and detail to learn and fully appreciate. Seasons are the mentors, the tutors, the teachers. I am a chef by trade and have learned so many wonderful lessons from so many knowledgeable people in my vocation. These people make up the bulk of my seasons. I have worked side by side with many seasons, learning the craft and soaking up their knowledge. Just last weekend, I found myself being another cook's season. It was a wonderful moment when I realized that the lessons I have learned in the kitchen were being passed on to the next generation.

I have worn the title of "manager" or "chef" for a number of years now and it has always felt a little uncomfortable to me. I have no formal degree in either, instead learning directly from others and through trial and error on my own. And let me tell you, there have been some momentous errors along the way, both in my approach to managing others and in cooking technique. While I rarely seek out the manager title, it often gets bestowed upon me and I am learning to accept it. Will I ever truly be comfortable with it? Probably not, but que sera, sera. The only true part of being the leader that I truly embrace is the sharing of the knowledge I have collected along the way. For me, the 29 years I have spent in the kitchen has been worth every drop of blood, sweat and tear shed since it means I get to be someone else's season and teach them the lessons I have learned. If only one person I have helped moves on to a leadership position and continues the cycle of learning, my time will have been well spent. To all my seasons, I thank you and hope our paths will cross again one day!

A LIFETIME
This one may seem obvious to most of you. A lifetime is a person who has been there from the start, yes? Not always. My lifetimes have run the gamut of time spent in my life. They need not necessarily be a physical presence from beginning to end to be a "lifetime". It is how deeply they touch the heart that makes someone a lifetime in my eyes. Some of my lifetimes are actually fairly recent additions to my life, while others made an early exit from my existence.

I lost my mother at the age of 15 and my father at age 24. They are hands down the greatest influences on my life, as parents usually are, but for vastly different reasons. My mother was a harsh, cruel woman with narcissistic tendencies and a propensity for abuse. Harsh words were routinely spoken and punishments swift and severe. It has not been easy, but I am one of the lucky few who have been able to overcome the cycle of abuse and I use her words and actions daily to be a better parent to my children. Not every lesson learned from my mother was bad, though. She did teach me the love of cooking and reading. Those two skills have carried me further in my life than anything else ever could have. For everything bad my mother said or did, my father desperately tried to compensate for. He was not an emotional or affectionate man, so the smallest gesture from him was a huge deal to me. He taught me the value of hard work and what it means to go above and beyond what is expected. He nurtured my creative side and urged me to pursue my passions, however fleeting they were. While my parents couldn't have been any more opposite of each other, the lessons they taught me will most certainly last my lifetime and I hope some of those will linger through future generations of my family.

A more recent addition to my lifetimers is a friend and former roommate of mine. We met at work and hit it off from the start, but I kept her at arm's length, as I usually do with people. Even while we lived together, I tried to maintain a certain amount of space between us. She saw me at my best and at my worst, but she never saw all of me. She still hasn't, but I am working on that. I was recently a bridesmaid in her wedding and that was such an eye-opening experience for me. I have been a member in other wedding parties, but hers was different. I have never played well with other females, preferring the company of men, but she has taught me the value of a strong female focused friendship. I have started letting my down and letting more women into my inner circle and I am finding myself a better person for it. She may have entered my life later than most, but her influence has most certainly been far reaching.

At any given time in our lives, we are somebody's reason, season or lifetime. I have learned that this is how we grow and become better people. Some of us learn the lessons we need in order to live a happier, more enriched life. Some will keep their eyes closed to the very lessons they need to learn. My request to all of you is to please open your eyes and hearts to the lessons surrounding you every day and try to make the most of them. We will all be better people for it. If you find yourself in the position of being the teacher, try to teach gently and kindly, with patience and compassion. Life is hard and it teaches us some very harsh truths. Try to buffer these harsh realities with strength in your convictions, truth in your words and love in your hearts.