Abuse from the customers is NOT part of the job

 DISCLAIMER: THIS POST DOES NOT REFLECT MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE COMPANY I WORK FOR OR MY BOSS. THIS POST IS REGARDING THE INDUSTRY AS A WHOLE AND MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES.

The title of this post should be clear enough for even a two year old to understand, but I am going to say it again for those of you in the back. ABUSE FROM THE CUSTOMERS IS NOT PART OF THE JOB! Yet here we are. Me writing and you reading. 

Some of you know me personally and know what I do for a living. Some of you don't, but they may change as this post goes live and hopefully gets shared. For those of you who don't, Hi! My name is Aimee. I'm a 48 year old, single mom. I am also a chef who currently works as the GM of a locally owned bbq restaurant in Dayton, OH as I work towards opening my own bakery and candy shop. 

I have been in and out of-mostly in-this industry for 35 years now and I have seen a lot of things, but nothing compares to the abuse that so many of us are experiencing. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and I am damn good at it. But lately, I am beginning to wonder if I shouldn't have left the industry when we got shut down last year like so many others have done. This pandemic has put literally everyone into a tailspin of some sort, but those of us that work in the restaurant and bar industry are among the hardest hit. Not only were most of us unceremoniously put out of work, we have struggled to receive the unemployment benefits we were promised with many still not receiving a penny even after a year. As we have worked to reopen, the hurdles we have faced and tackled have been numerous. 

Not only have we had to limit our seating, causing a strain on already tight profit margins, we have had to install equipment meant to keep our staff and customers safe from the spread of the virus. We have had to purchase additional supplies that are in high demand and are facing food shortages with every truck order. We are dealing with people reporting us to the local health departments because some adults can't seem adhere to the health department mandates. We are being verbally, sometimes physically, assaulted for trying to follow the guidelines we are being forced to implement so we can continue to operate. Folks, our industry has never been an easy one, but it has gotten downright ugly. So ugly, that surveys are indicating that between 15 and 18% of last year's employees have left for good. And I don't blame them!

My restaurant is typically a pretty benign place to work. As far as restaurants go, I refer to it as a unicorn job. The prep work and cooking I do is pretty simple and goes quickly. My boss has created a menu that is fast and easy to execute from start to finish. No early mornings, no late nights. At my location, no Sundays. I have two days off in a row. I have never had to argue over a schedule request or beg someone to pick up a shift for me. The neighborhood we are located in is full of good people who are generally patient and friendly. Some even go out of their way to bring me a coffee or a doughnut in the mornings or drop off a quick bite to eat in the evenings. All in all, work life is pretty good. One would think life is good, right? Well, it's not that simple. 

Everyone is under a lot of added stress and pressure right now because of COVID-19. Most people understand this and are accepting of all the extra safety precautions we have to follow and the menu outages we are experiencing, along with any other number of slight inconveniences we are all dealing with right now. But there are a handful of people that I refer to as the overly indulgent, self-important nobodies that think they are the only ones in the universe that matter. Their time and needs are above everyone else's and they view anything less than what they want as a personal insult. These people are making our lives hell day in and day out. 

We are being yelled at, cussed out, called names, threatened and harassed as we never have before and it's taking a toll on us. Mentally and physically. Some people are also being physically harmed. And there is no reason for this behavior other than the simple fact that some people have forgotten how to be compassionate human beings. This pandemic has brought out the best in some people, but in many more cases, it has brought out the worst. People have become short tempered, rude, hateful and downright disrespectful and it sickens me. I am absolutely disgusted by the behavior I have endured and that I see others have to endure. I have been begging people all along to simply be kind, but apparently that's too hard for some. 

Last night, I came home from work angry and fed up at the way I have been treated. I was ready to drop the proverbially match and walk away. Walk away from the industry that I have been apart of for nearly 75% of my life. The industry that I have given so much of my blood, sweat and tears for. The industry that has become the very core of my being, my soul. The industry that has made me into the woman I am today. All because some people refuse to be nice. Yes, I get it. Life is difficult right now. You're not the only one facing hard times. WE ALL ARE. Yes, you are not special. But is it really necessary to tear someone else down so you can feel better about yourself? 

I won't go into detail about all of the nasty things I have had to deal with over the past year. I don't think any of us have enough free time for that. Here are some of the lowlights. And I want you to ask yourself as you read through this list of customer inflicted abuse, is it really necessary to tear someone else down so you can feel better about yourself...

One day, a man came in and asked me if I knew why I was wearing a mask. Being the smart ass that I am, I quipped that I was wearing it because I didn't have a choice. I was wearing it out of respect for my boss and for his business. I followed this up with, "yes, I do know why I am wearing this mask". I was then subjected to a 15 minute diatribe about how I am going to hell because my faith isn't strong enough and I don't believe the same he does. Yes-a customer straight up told me that I was going to hell. 

Another customer called to place a carryout order during a busy Saturday evening dinner rush. A large carryout order. Like, so large, he should have called earlier in the day to ensure we had everything he wanted large. After requesting a quart of mac and cheese and being told that I did not have that much currently ready, he yelled to his wife to see what else she wanted and didn't bother to move the phone away from his mouth while doing so. Thanks for the busted eardrum, buddy! He asked how long it would be for a quart and I said about 20 minutes. He responded with fine, we can wait. I finished taking his order and told him his food would be ready for pickup in 25 minutes, allowing extra time to package everything up. He shows up ten minutes later and throws a tantrum because his order isn't ready yet. "We've already waited a half an hour, I don't understand how it isn't ready yet! You told meeeeeeee twenty minutes". He then proceeds to request an extra side of all 6 of our sauces but he doesn't want to pay for them. "I am stuck waiting on you, the least you can do is give it to me for free". I assured him he has plenty of sauce and think to myself, "No, the least I can do is kick your entitled ass out the door without your food", but instead, I give him his total and send him back home. Without extra sauce.

I have had customers berate me when we run out of ribs on rib night when they wait until the last minute to come in to eat. I have had customers yell at me because our menu prices are higher than they were in the past. I have been bitched at about the mask policy. People throw a tantrum over wearing a mask, people throw a fit if they see someone not wearing a mask. I had someone try to bring beer in with him to drink with his dinner and get nasty when I told him no. I have impatient Door Dashers who think it is ok to grab orders from the counter when I am working with another guest. I have people call and bitch that they can't get through at another company location, like there is some mysterious power I hold over that location where I can make them drop everything else and tend to this person's phone call. This list of abuse goes on and on, but I think I have said enough to prove my point.

I will be the first to admit that I am no saint. There are times I am not as friendly or warm as I should be with a guest because the bad behavior of another has momentarily put me in a bad mood. However, by the end of the transaction, I am laughing and joking with them and the experience has completely turned around. I try to approach every day as a new adventure no matter how sore or tired I am or how badly I want to stay at home and do something, anything else other than work. And believe me when I say I am tired and sore every day these days. Working longer hours, prepping more food and running around more than usual is taking its toll on this old lady. Some days, I am lucky if I am able to steal a bite of food between customers, let along take two minutes to stop and pee. I can't remember the last time I ate a hot meal from start to finish. The demands being placed on restaurant staff is at an all time high while we are operating with very limited resources. Please excuse me if I'm not Little Mary Sunshine all day, every day, but I am only a single human being.

Many industries are currently experiencing a labor shortage, but no one is suffering like us food people are. It has been estimated that between 15 and 18% have left the industry for good. Yes-I know I am repeating myself. It's for a good reason. Some are still on unemployment since there place of business hasn't reopened yet or is still operating under limited capacity. Many left during last year's shutdown for other jobs or to go to work for themselves, following their passions. More are choosing to leave because of the toxic atmosphere that many bars and restaurants have become. Some of this toxicity comes from the hands of ownership and management, while the vast majority is coming from the customers. If you had a job that historically pays crappy wages, why would you stick around when the people you serve starting treating you like you're less than nothing? It's not a difficult decision for many to make.

As I have already stated-abuse from the customers is not part of the job. It never should have been and it never should be. In the past, it was an uncommon occurrence. Now, it's happening daily. I am ever so thankful for the customers who understand we are struggling and approach us with patience, empathy and a kind word. You are the people that keep us coming back to work day in and day out. Thank you for being your awesome, wonderful selves. And if you happen to see yourself in my less than flattering words, I implore you to do better. BE BETTER. And if you choose not to, keep your ass at home and stop spreading misery. I honestly feel that the worst is yet to come as more people leave our industry for other ventures. And some of you only have yourselves to blame. We are not your punching bags and one day, we are going to start fighting back. 

I am going to keep on keeping on. I will continue to go to work and do what I do best. I take pride in being as tough as nails and not backing down from a challenge. I'm a bad ass and I know it. I wouldn't have made it this far in an industry that chews people up and spits them out if I wasn't. But if the day comes that I do walk away, just know it was some disrespectful asshole that finally pushed me over the edge. Please don't be that person. I'm going to ask it one more time, is it really necessary to tear someone else down so you can feel better about yourself? Abuse from the customers is not a part of our job. It is unneeded. It is unwanted. It is not helpful. IT IS DISGRACEFUL.

Something to think about

I follow a blog named "Marc and Angel Hack Life". It's filled with all kinds of thought-provoking, inspiring posts that sometimes really help me find the center of what is (or should be) important in life. More than once I have uttered "a-ha!" to myself as I read their insightful posts. This one came through my email today and I felt compelled to share it with you guys. It made me stop and think, I hope it does you, as well! I highly recommend signing up to follow their blog, it really does help put this life into perspective.

When you’ve been running a successful personal development blog and life coaching business for the better part of a decade, one thing becomes crystal clear: Everyone has the same basic wants and needs. No kidding, over the years Marc and I have gotten to know thousands of people of different ethnic backgrounds, from different cities and countries, who live at various socioeconomic levels, and trust me, every one of us basically wants the same things. We want validation, love, happiness, fulfillment, money, and hopes for a better future. The way we pursue these needs is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same. Think about it. If I ask you, “Quickly, in one sentence, what do you want most out of life?” I bet your rushed response is going to be something like, “I want to be happy, and have a healthy family, and a career I like that pays well, etc." Your response is going to be so common and ubiquitous that it basically doesn’t even mean anything. Which is precisely why senseless, happy-go-lucky questions like this aren’t very helpful. And yet, this is precisely the kind of questions we often ask ourselves. So what kind of questions might you ask instead? Questions that force you into a corner. Questions that help you embrace the sacrifices it takes to get where you want to go. Questions that motivate you to focus on the next step forward. In other words, questions like...

1. What is worth suffering for? 
If you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the six-pack abs, you have to want the sweat, the sore muscles, the early mornings at the gym, and the low carb meals. If you want the successful business, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business deals and decisions, and the possibility of failing fifty times to learn what you need to know to succeed. If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is just an idealization, a fantasy, and a false promise. Maybe you don't actually want it at all, because you’re not willing to suffer though the work it’s going to take to achieve it. 

2. Based on my daily routines and actions, where can I expect to be in five years?
This question just backs up the first one. If you have an idea about what you want the next chapter of your life to look like, you have to DO things that support this idea every day. An idea, after all, isn’t going to do anything for you until you do something productive with it. In fact, as long as that great idea is just sitting around in your head it’s doing far more harm than good. Your subconscious mind knows you’re procrastinating on something that’s important to you. The necessary work that you keep postponing causes stress, anxiety, fear, and usually more procrastination – a vicious cycle that continues to worsen until you interrupt it with ACTION. 

3. What old rejections (or failures) are still holding me back?
All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make. We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some opinionated person or narrow circumstance once told us was true. Of course, an old rejection doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough; it just means some person or circumstance from our past failed to align with what we had to offer at the time. It means we were graced with more time to improve our thing – to build upon our ideas, to perfect our craft, and indulge deeper in to the work that moves us. Don’t let old rejections take up permanent residence in your head. Kick them out on the street. 

4. What is worth smiling about right now?
A recent scientific study at Duke University showed that doctors who are put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis consistently experience significant boosts to their intellectual abilities than doctors in a neutral state, which allows them to make accurate diagnoses almost 20% faster. The same study then shifted to other vocations and found that optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by over 50%. Students primed to feel happy before taking math tests substantially outperform their neutral peers. So it turns out that our minds are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative, or even neutral, but when they are positive. 

5. Are the people around me helping me or hurting me?
A big part of who you become in life has to do with who you choose to surround yourself with. And as you know, it is better to be alone than in bad company. You simply cannot expect to live a positive, fulfilling life if you surround yourself with negative people. Distancing yourself from these people is never easy, but it’s a lot harder when they happen to be close friends or family members. As hard as it may be, it’s something you need to address. To a certain degree, luck controls who walks into your life, especially as it relates to your family and childhood friends, but you decide who you spend the majority of your time with.